Nightclub owner Peter Stringfellow, giving evidence to a commons select committee on lap-dancing, has claimed his customers are "Not really interested in tits and in some cases frankly disgusted by vaginas".
"Stripping is a tiny, almost trivial part of our business plan", Stringfellow insisted, "We mostly ask the girls to undress because their pale skin relects the spotlights into the dimly lit private areas and saves on electricity. The savings on uniforms are also considerable. This has nothing to do with sex. Eugh, icky icky, girls and their dirty disgusting girl-bits, I don't like them at all".
Arguing before MPs that his establishment should not be subject to a tightening in the licensing guidelines, Mr Stringfellow said his clubs were a part of the normal leisure and entertainment industry, and should be licensed in the same way as playgrounds and girl guide centres.
Customers queuing at his Soho venue were unimpressed by the news. One, who wished to named only by his online nickname MassiveDickNoReallyHonestIt'sJustColdInHere said "I didn't come here for the tacky decor or the sleazeball with the 70s hairstyle. That's it - I'm going somewhere where the business plan IS about seeing tits. Like the mammogram place at the hospital."